A Victim Mentality

Human existence unfolds within a world darkened by suffering and uncertainty, forces that shape not only what individuals endure but also how they come to understand themselves and reality. Yet uncertainty alone does not draw a person into a victim mentality; the particular details embedded within the narratives people construct about their lives also play a significant role. Each person carries an internal narrative that is retold, consciously or unconsciously, day after day. This idea is illustrated in the film Evan Almighty, in which the main character begins each morning by standing before a mirror making the following affirmations, “I am successful, I am powerful, I am handsome, I am happy.” Life might seem far simpler if such declarations could instantly transform a person into what they claim to be. However, many individuals live under the weight of beliefs instilled in them by parents, caregivers, or formative environments. Others continually revisit traumas experienced in childhood, adolescence, or adulthood, allowing those memories to diminish their sense of worth and identity. As a result, they may come to exist within a mental fortress, believing the key to freedom is within reach while remaining unable to recognize how to grasp it and use it.

As creatures of habit, individuals may, over time, become so confined by a victim mentality that they no longer recognize any other way of existing. In this state, even ordinary forms of interpersonal difference or support—such as a differing opinion, a recommendation, or a compliment—may be perceived as unwanted, unnecessary, or unacceptable. The word confined is especially significant because it suggests a form of restriction that is not merely emotional but also existential. In society, confinement is often associated with the penal system, where individuals who violate the law may be placed behind steel bars to prevent them from stealing, harming, or destroying the lives of others. It is theologically significant that the figure described in Scripture as coming ‘to steal, kill, and destroy’ (John 10:10) is also identified as the ‘god of this world’ (2 Corinthians 4:4), identifying a connection between spiritual deception, destruction, and the distorted narratives that shape human perception. In a similar yet inward sense, a victim mentality can function as a psychological cell, restricting a person’s capacity to grow, receive correction, or recognize freedom beyond the limits of their own narrative. This suggests that the individual’s condition is not merely psychological but also spiritual in nature, reflecting a deeper injury to the soul. As a result, the victim mentality functions as a psychological cell, restricting a person’s capacity to grow, receive correction, or recognize freedom beyond the limits of their own narrative.

In an effort to silence the destructive internal narrative, maladaptive behaviors may become habitual methods of coping with psychological distress. Alcohol and drugs can serve as temporary anesthetics, dulling the repeated effects of undermining and disparaging self-commentary.

Likewise, behaviors such as sex, smoking, overeating, excessive shopping, and gambling may stimulate the release of neurotransmitters, offering momentary relief from existential anguish while failing to address the deeper source of suffering. As a form of respite many individuals may seek medical treatment and be prescribed psychotropic medications, which are designed to alter brain chemistry in order to regulate mood, thought patterns, or behavior. When considered within the context of a victim mentality, this raises an important question: if the underlying wounds, narratives, and formative experiences contributing to a person’s suffering are not carefully explored, medication may become a means of modifying emotional experience, cognition, and behavior without fully addressing the deeper causes of distress. Ironically, while these medications may produce changes in mood, thought patterns, and behavior, they may also introduce side effects that require individuals to determine which symptoms have improved, which adverse effects are tolerable, and which complications may further burden their condition. Some psychiatrists and mental health professionals have expressed concern about the long-term use of certain psychotropic medications and the possibility of psychiatric drug injuries, underscoring the need for careful assessment, informed consent, ongoing monitoring, and a comprehensive approach to healing. This argument should not be understood as a rejection of medication itself. Rather, it emphasizes the need to consider medication within a broader framework of discernment, care, and holistic treatment. Scripture itself recognizes the usefulness of what God has provided through creation, including plants and other natural provisions that support human life and well-being.

“You cause the grass to grow for the livestock and plants for man to cultivate, that he may bring forth food from the earth and wine to gladden the heart of man, oil to make his face shine and bread to strengthen man’s heart.”

Psalm 104:14–15, ESV

For these individuals, peace may feel inaccessible—there is no peace in existing, no peace in resting, and no peace in simply being. Across a range of coping responses, some individuals may turn to self-injurious behaviors as a way to redirect emotional pain, interrupt distressing thoughts, or momentarily alter their perception of suffering. It is both disconcerting and deeply concerning the amount of adolescents I have encountered as a pastoral counselor who cut, burn, or bite themselves while concealing the evidence in order to avoid disclosing the extent of their self-injury. Non-suicidal self-injury (NSSI) has, for many, become a form of pain language: an embodied expression of distress that is distinct from suicidal intent, yet still signals profound psychological and emotional suffering. It becomes evident that such individuals are responding to wounds deeper than their outward behaviors may initially reveal; their actions may reflect an absence of safety, stability, or secure belonging. Gradually, these individuals may begin to assume a victim mentality, allowing unresolved pain and insecurity to shape how they interpret themselves, others, and the world around them. At this point, for many individuals, the thought of suicide may appear to be the only perceived means of ending their suffering. However, while some may engage in self-injurious behaviors, the motivation behind these actions is not necessarily a desire to die. Rather, it is often a desperate desire to stop living in the pain, distress, and internal turmoil that have come to define their daily existence. Some individuals survive suicide attempts, yet their continued struggle often reveals the depth of their unresolved pain rather than the absence of despair. Suicide represents a tragic point at which an individual may perceive death as the only available escape from overwhelming psychological, emotional, or spiritual pain. It is not exclusive to youth nor any particular demographic just as self-mutilation is not exclusive to you either, adults engage in this behavior as a bright red stream screaming volumes of not wanting to continue living in their current state.

Parents, the long sleeves (even in warm weather) multiple bracelets on your child's wrists and arms or insistence of wearing long pants may NOT be fashion statements!

These patterns may, at times, indicate an effort to conceal signs of self-injury and should invite careful, compassionate attention rather than immediate dismissal, disbelief, or punitive responses that may further wound the child. I write from familiarity with narratives in which such signs were misunderstood, minimized, or mishandled, deepening the very pain that needed to be addressed with care.

PLEASE PAY ATTENTION!

Self-injurious behavior is not exclusive to adolescents or to any particular demographic. Adults also engage in these behaviors, often as a visible and urgent expression of distress—a painful signal that they do not want to continue living in their current emotional, psychological, or spiritual condition.

A person shaped by a victim mentality may come to interpret life primarily through the lens of negativity, repeatedly asking existential questions framed by “why,” ruminating on the past, and becoming their own harshest critic. When anger and resentment become habitual, such a person may develop an intensified emotional neediness, searching for someone who can satisfy an unmet hunger for validation, security, or rescue. In this dynamic, hunger and necessity become joined: the unresolved longing within the wounded individual seeks attachment to whatever or whoever appears capable of meeting that need. As a result, the relationship becomes locked in an impasse, making resolution, healing, and meaningful progress increasingly difficult.

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Let me stop here...  

At this point, the discussion has become undeniably weighty. Yet my intention is not to feed the destructive narrative that many individuals have come to believe defines them. As a pastoral counselor, I write about the subject of victim mentality because it must be examined not only through psychological and relational lenses, but also through a spiritual and redemptive one. In a world replete with affliction and shaped by broken, fragmented, and distorted narratives, many search for understanding within themselves or rely solely on fallible human wisdom, only to find themselves trapped on the proverbial hamster wheel of striving without resolution. True and lasting peace is found only in the ‘Prince of Peace. I would now like to offer the reader a glimpse into His story, allowing Scripture and history to speak for themselves. By way of background, the passage that follows occurs after Adam and Eve have eaten from the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. At this point, they have sewn fig leaves together to make coverings for themselves, responding to the fear and shame that entered their awareness after disobedience. Prior to this moment, Scripture indicates that they were naked and unashamed. With that context in mind, let us turn to the biblical text.

 ‘And the Lord God made for Adam and for his wife garments of skins and clothed them.’

Genesis 3:21, ESV

At first, the connection between this passage and the discussion of victim mentality, suffering, and restoration may not be immediately apparent. However, its significance becomes clearer when the text is examined more closely. Consider the majesty, magnificence, and power of the God who created the world and all its hosts, yet chose to become, in a sense, Adam and Eve’s personal tailor. This raises an important question: why would He take such an action? He certainly was not obligated to do so. It was within His divine authority to remove Adam and Eve from existence entirely, leaving no trace of them to be remembered or recorded. Instead, He clothed them. In this act, we see not only judgment, but mercy; not only consequence, but covering. Likewise, many people carry narratives marked by abuse, mistreatment, neglect, and abandonment—narratives that are often emotionally burdened by fear, guilt, and shame. That same Lord God, approximately four thousand years later, withheld nothing of Himself, submitting to crucifixion with only a crown of thorns placed upon His head. In modern depictions—whether in films, paintings, jewelry, or other artistic representations—Jesus is often shown on the cross beneath a titulus, the inscription written in Greek, Hebrew, and Latin, wearing both a crown of thorns and a loincloth. Historically, however, such depictions soften the brutality and humiliation of Roman crucifixion. Condemned criminals were commonly stripped of their clothing, signifying the complete loss of dignity, rights, and social standing. Scripture had long foretold that the Messiah’s garments would be taken and that lots would be cast for His clothing, demonstrating that even this act of humiliation was encompassed within the redemptive purposes of God. The casting of lots itself was a common Roman practice among soldiers dividing a condemned prisoners possessions, yet its occurrence here was no accident but the fulfillment of divine prediction. The psalmist wrote,

They divide my garments among them, and for my clothing they cast lots.”Psalm 22:18, ESV

“And when they had crucified him, they divided his garments among them by casting lots.”

Matthew 27:35, ESV

“And they crucified him and divided his garments among them, casting lots for them, to decide what each should take.”

Mark 15:24, ESV

“And Jesus said, ‘Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.’ And they cast lots to divide his garments.”

Luke 23:34, ESV

“When the soldiers had crucified Jesus, they took his garments and divided them into four parts, one part for each soldier; also his tunic. But the tunic was seamless, woven in one piece from top to bottom, so they said to one another, “Let us not tear it but cast lots for it to see whose it shall be.” This was to fulfill the Scripture which says, “They divided my garments among them and for my clothing they cast lots.”

John 19:23-24, ESV

This detail exemplifies how the Gospel writers understood Jesus’s death as the culmination of Old Testament prophecy—even the soldiers’ casual actions served God’s redemptive plan and confirmed Jesus’s identity as the promised Messiah.

“In His suffering, Jesus bore the fear, guilt, and shame that afflict humanity, making freedom possible from spiritual bondage, distorted identity, and the mental strongholds that keep individuals captive.”

In Isaiah it is written:

For to us a child is born, to us a son is given; and the government shall be upon his shoulder, and his name shall be called: Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.

Isaiah 9:6, ESV

Jesus role in establishing and maintaining peace is not merely the absence of conflict, but the comprehensive restoration and wholeness that characterizes God’s kingdom. This peace encompasses spiritual reconciliation between God and humanity, inner peace within believers, and ultimately the cosmic peace that will characterize the future kingdom when Jesus Christ reigns. It is important to clarify that the inner peace described here refers specifically to peace found in Jesus Christ by believers. Apart from this spiritual reconciliation, any sense of peace may remain temporarily, experienced only as a brief respite through substances, medication, meditation practices, or other coping mechanisms that cannot ultimately provide lasting restoration.

“To know Him is to love the one who loved you first…

 We love because he first loved us. 

1 John 4:19, ESV

He helps us create and pursue meaningful goals, serve others, live with gratitude, heal deep wounds, take responsibility for our actions, learn from our mistakes and decisions, and live in peace with others. The question, then, is this: why continue living under the weight of a victim mentality when freedom, healing, and peace are offered through Christ? The path forward ultimately involves a choice—not a denial of pain, but a willingness to surrender the narrative of bondage and receive the possibility of freedom. It is your choice.

FREEDOM & BONDAGE: A MATTER OF CHOICE